Category Archives: Adult Children

A flying condom wrapper hit me in the head

Last month hubby and I had the opportunity to go away without kids for two weeks, and we took it!  Granted there were only two of our three children at living home and they are 23 and 21, so having mom and dad out of the house for a couple of weeks really isn’t a big deal.

Not a lot gets done in regards to personal grooming when you are on the road for two weeks, camping most of the time. Showers were had, but trying to shave one’s legs in a campground shower stall is next to impossible, if you want to do it with hot water. Plus there were a number of days where it had rained and rained so the comfort stations were not in their best shape.

Picture of us on Cape Breton Island Nova Scotia

Starting to look haggard

So after two weeks away from home, it was time for hubby and I to pretty ourselves up. I was fine with taking care of myself, hubby was able to trim his beard to perfection, but then came time to deal with the back hair. I know, eww, and he required my assistance.

Some woman may like a hairy man, and certainly I like his hairy chest but when it comes to back hair, no thank you, I do not want to sleep with a grizzly bear. Over the years we have tried different methods of hair removal. There was the waxing episode (insert laughter), it did not go over well, sure enough it removed a lot of hair but he couldn’t handle the pain (and he has the nerve to suggest I wax my nether regions, ha!). Then there was the cream removal treatment, it didn’t really work either, I had to keep slathering it on, then showering it off for him, then slathering it on again, showering, and so on. The final and most successful is plain old shaving with the electric beard trimmer, it’s quick, painless, and does the trick. Voila! He’s been beautified.

Now sex on vacation doesn’t really happen when you are driving, and stopping, and driving all day, then trying to find a place to stay, particularly since this was a spur of the moment trip, and nothing was booked. We were exhausted most nights, then we would be camping, having to cook our dinner, set up the tent, the air mattress, sleeping bags, and hubby’s nightly fight to start a fire with soggy wood (he usually won after soaking everything with camp fuel). Don’t get me wrong, I would not trade the camping for anything, I loved every minute of it, and so did my husband, but we were tired, and even if sex was on our mind, we were tired.

So, when we arrived home, we had to make up for lost time. Now, after years of bad timing you would think middle child would have learned by now, that when you knock on your parent’s bedroom door, you do not just walk in. Apparently the poor girl has not learned, and is once again scarred for life!

After slamming our door shut, she yelled she was going to check the mail. About ten minutes later I sent her a text message asking if we received any mail, she sent me this back:

No
Please
I’m tainted
My brain is overloading
I’m about to throw up
WHY
GET A FUCKING HOTEL ROOM
DISGUSTING HUMANS
I WANT TO DIE

The poor girl. Now a few weeks have gone by, and I must say she has gotten her revenge, not on purpose, but she has. This morning as I was driving the dogs to the dog park with the windows open, I was suddenly hit in the head by some sort of plastic wrapping, which then drops down to the floor. I look down, and what do I see but an open condom wrapper, OMFG – is the thought! I’m distracted by the dogs, until I arrive home, and as I am letting the dogs out of the car, I actually find the used condom in the back of the van. She got me. I’m grossed out. I’m happy she’s playing it safe, but in my van, ewww, Get a fucking hotel room daughter.

Hotel Frontenac

Le Chateau Frontenac, Quebec City

Middle child busted, hubby steps in poo, fish throw stones

I’ve started week four without a laptop, currently I am using one that the store loaned to me while I await the okay for brand new computer. It seems they were unable to repair my motherboard or find a replacement, plus the LCD panel is shot, and there isn’t a part available for it either.  Geez.

So what has been happening with me – lots!

First I busted middle child, which had both of us laughing for a few days. What happened you ask? Some of you may not know that middle child is neither a child nor a teenager, she is a young adult doing her own thing.  Me, well I do not sleep well, I’m up numerous times throughout the night. So as it happened, I was outside on the front porch around 2 a.m. when a cab pulled up beside the house. Ah middle child has arrived home, but not by herself, she has brought a boy, hmm. She first tries to sneak him in the front gate, which is ridiculously silly since it is only a few steps from the front porch. Unable to open the lock, she realizes she has no choice but to walk by mom (I’m laughing as I watch her). She quickly races past me, and I assume she hopes the boy does, but nope! Like any mother who sees her daughter bring someone home, I hold my hand out to shake his while I introduce myself (oh I’m cruel!). Being a polite young man, he shakes my hand and introduces himself (with a big grin on his face). They both enter the house, while I yell “Busted!”

The next day, hubby awoke at his usual time of 6:30 a.m. to get ready for work and feed the dogs.  Well it seems no one took the dogs out to do their business the night before, so one of them had an accident in the house, which my husband stepped in! After cleaning up that mess, Bear was sick and vomited on the landing. Another mess for hubby to clean up, only to step in another poo a few minutes later. It was not a good morning start for him!

Next up was the young man, who broke out with a case of chicken pox, this was the second time for him. I woke up with a stye in my left eye, so it was off to the family doctor for both of us. A prescription for me, rest and Benadryl for the young man. Thankfully the chicken pox  pretty much remained on his torso, but it was still quite itchy for him and my stye has cleared up.

Lastly our fish, which I seriously considered flushing down the toilet for a premature death the other day. I again woke up in the middle of the night only to hear noises that sounded similar to electrical wires arcing. Since I had my phone with me, I turned on the flashlight app and went on the hunt for the cause of the noise. After checking all floors, plus the electrical panel I went back to bed. After about another hour of sleeping, I once again woke to the weird sounds, unable to find anything the second time around, I went back to bed hoping that if there was a fire, our fire alarms would wake me. It wasn’t until the morning that I found out the source of the noise – the fish. Hubby, who had slept on the couch in the basement, explained the fish were picking up the stones on the bottom of the aquarium then spitting them out, hitting the glass. He too was very close to killing our pond fish, who spend winters in the house.