Category Archives: Humour

A flying condom wrapper hit me in the head

Last month hubby and I had the opportunity to go away without kids for two weeks, and we took it!  Granted there were only two of our three children at living home and they are 23 and 21, so having mom and dad out of the house for a couple of weeks really isn’t a big deal.

Not a lot gets done in regards to personal grooming when you are on the road for two weeks, camping most of the time. Showers were had, but trying to shave one’s legs in a campground shower stall is next to impossible, if you want to do it with hot water. Plus there were a number of days where it had rained and rained so the comfort stations were not in their best shape.

Picture of us on Cape Breton Island Nova Scotia

Starting to look haggard

So after two weeks away from home, it was time for hubby and I to pretty ourselves up. I was fine with taking care of myself, hubby was able to trim his beard to perfection, but then came time to deal with the back hair. I know, eww, and he required my assistance.

Some woman may like a hairy man, and certainly I like his hairy chest but when it comes to back hair, no thank you, I do not want to sleep with a grizzly bear. Over the years we have tried different methods of hair removal. There was the waxing episode (insert laughter), it did not go over well, sure enough it removed a lot of hair but he couldn’t handle the pain (and he has the nerve to suggest I wax my nether regions, ha!). Then there was the cream removal treatment, it didn’t really work either, I had to keep slathering it on, then showering it off for him, then slathering it on again, showering, and so on. The final and most successful is plain old shaving with the electric beard trimmer, it’s quick, painless, and does the trick. Voila! He’s been beautified.

Now sex on vacation doesn’t really happen when you are driving, and stopping, and driving all day, then trying to find a place to stay, particularly since this was a spur of the moment trip, and nothing was booked. We were exhausted most nights, then we would be camping, having to cook our dinner, set up the tent, the air mattress, sleeping bags, and hubby’s nightly fight to start a fire with soggy wood (he usually won after soaking everything with camp fuel). Don’t get me wrong, I would not trade the camping for anything, I loved every minute of it, and so did my husband, but we were tired, and even if sex was on our mind, we were tired.

So, when we arrived home, we had to make up for lost time. Now, after years of bad timing you would think middle child would have learned by now, that when you knock on your parent’s bedroom door, you do not just walk in. Apparently the poor girl has not learned, and is once again scarred for life!

After slamming our door shut, she yelled she was going to check the mail. About ten minutes later I sent her a text message asking if we received any mail, she sent me this back:

No
Please
I’m tainted
My brain is overloading
I’m about to throw up
WHY
GET A FUCKING HOTEL ROOM
DISGUSTING HUMANS
I WANT TO DIE

The poor girl. Now a few weeks have gone by, and I must say she has gotten her revenge, not on purpose, but she has. This morning as I was driving the dogs to the dog park with the windows open, I was suddenly hit in the head by some sort of plastic wrapping, which then drops down to the floor. I look down, and what do I see but an open condom wrapper, OMFG – is the thought! I’m distracted by the dogs, until I arrive home, and as I am letting the dogs out of the car, I actually find the used condom in the back of the van. She got me. I’m grossed out. I’m happy she’s playing it safe, but in my van, ewww, Get a fucking hotel room daughter.

Hotel Frontenac

Le Chateau Frontenac, Quebec City

El Tigre is alive!

Good news El Tigre is alive! I’ve put him in the medical bay, and nurse Bear is assisting.

Our dog Bear looking at the fish in the pond

Note: This is my husband’s humour. I take no credit for either the image or the message he sent with it.

A visit from my Welsh Penpal Twitter friend

Three years ago, one of my Twitter followers (Suzanne) put out a request asking if anyone wanted to write letters back and forth, in essence become penpals. I figured what the heck, if it didn’t work out, we could just stop writing. Well it did, and over the three years we have become good friends. Now my Welsh Twitter friend who is currently residing in Dubai, is in Canada visiting me for three weeks.  She has just recently moved to Dubai from South Africa, leading an Expat life with her husband.

I’m not exactly sure how it started, either way, I ended up dressed in a homemade tutu (thank you middle child for your assistance), and really bold tights to wear to the airport to pick-up Suzanne aka @Chickenruby. The young man drove me, and stood by me in a very crowded waiting area, as we scanned for the other woman dressed in a tutu. (The young man is very used to his mother’s antics so is quite comfortable standing beside me when I look ridiculous). Dressed in a tutu to meet Suzanne at the airport

Picture of Suzanne and I

Suzanne has been a wonderful visitor to have here, and has easily fit in with the family. She is quite aware that I can only do so much, and need my rest (I can also tell her to ‘bugger off’ if I need my space), so with a bus pass she wonders off for the day to explore.

Suzanne and Bear our dog on the hammock

Bear loves the hammock, so even though he had only known Suzanne for a day, he easily climbed on and sat beside her.

British bunting decorating our backyard

British bunting decorating our backyard for middle child’s 23rd birthday.

Yesterday we had a lovely visit at the Royal Botanical Gardens.

Suzanne at the Royal Botanical Gardens

At the Royal Botanical Gardens.

At the RGB taking a picture

Lantana flower

Lantana flower

Picture of a fountain

How far has your Twitter/Penpal traveled to meet up with you?