Category Archives: Uncategorized

Why men can’t float and women can – boobs

 

My husband floating in the poolAfter a short hiatus, but desperately needed rest, I have returned to my blog. Our summer has not been without fun, particularly since many of the conversations between the husband and I have centred on nudity and sex. Basically this is what happens when you are living the ‘empty nest’.  If you have read my blog on a regular basis, you would know the eldest moved out a couple of years ago, middle child is off on the other side of the world, and well the youngest did not come home this summer, since he was hired on by his university for summer employment. Thus hubby and I were left on our own to amuse ourselves.

When we decided to no longer sell our house, we had already packed up quite a bit of it, and to be honest we have yet to unpack the basement. The basement is a disaster, hubby’s man cave has boxes piled up to the ceiling in some places, and in others, well there are smaller piles of boxes. By not moving, I was able to swing a new washing machine out of the deal, plus a completely redesigned laundry room.

The other major investment was to have a salt-water pool installed for me to stay in the city. Sadly it is not an inground pool, since we would have had to have a retaining wall built at the back of the yard, adding far too many thousands of dollars to the final bill. Instead we chose a really nice above-ground, and hubby is slowly building a new back fence and deck for it. In the meantime, I have daily topless swims since there are no kids at home to yell at mom to cover up!

With all the swimming that hubby and I have been enjoying, we have also found that he still cannot float, even with the added buoyancy of salt water. This baffled me, so I took a family poll, and apparently the young man cannot float either! Middle child quickly responded stating “well mom maybe it is because we have boobs?” This of course was my husband’s argument from the start.  “Women can float because we have boobs” has now led to numerous ridiculous arguments in our family.

Can you float?

Never Google Your Symptoms

No encyclopaedias here, but quite the eclectic selection, right?

No encyclopaedias here, but quite the eclectic selection, right?

I’m from that age that when you wanted information about something, and you were at home, the first thing you did was to ask your parents. The parent would then search their knowledge base, and if your mom didn’t know the answer, she would use the default answer: ‘ask your father” and vice versa. If your parents didn’t know the answer, you would head to the bookshelf, and grab an encyclopedia. (Way back when, there were door to door salesmen who sold sets of encyclopaedias. It was quite the thing – information with the flip of a page.) If you weren’t one of the lucky ones who had these books, you would then hop on your bike, and cycle over to the library. Once you arrived you would first ask the librarian for information (anything to get out of actually looking for the stuff yourself). Of course, if you were of highschool age, it wasn’t cool to ask for assistance, so you would search in the index cards, where each book was filed under the Dewey decimal system.

Of course, nowadays, you have the internet, where everything is available at the touch of a keyboard. If you want to know about the corkscrew penis, just go to YouTube and search “True Facts About the Duck”The young man sent me this link, after I sent him a picture of a female Mallard at the water hole of the dog park.

So when I was driving home from the dog park the other day, and the left side of my chin decided to go numb with pins and needles, I was a tad worried. When I arrived home, the first thing I did was told my husband what was happening to me, in case I was having a stroke. I reminded him where my list of medications was, and to grab it, if we so happened to have to make a hospital run. I then went to “Google” and typed in numb chin. Seriously bad move! The first result was terminal cancer. Fuck was all I said. I decided to then alter my search terms, in hope that terminal cancer would be at the bottom of the list or not appear at all. As hoped, different results did appear, but I was still fucked according to Google. I stopped Googling.

Since my parents are no longer alive, I made myself a cup of coffee, and pondered my own knowledge base. I remembered that the husband and I, had started the day off with a bang (I’ll let you ponder what that means), and with the three bulging discs in my neck, our morning activity may have been just a bit too much for me. So I figured one of them is probably pinching a nerve, resulting in a numb chin. The next day, I went to see the doctor, explaining what had occurred, and that I still had a numb chin. He agreed that it was/is the discs causing the problem, and a MRI is a good idea, given that it has been a number of years since my last one.

Note: a numb chin is just one of the many symptoms of a stroke. If you think you are having a stroke, go directly to the hospital.

Second note: I have an MRI booked for next Monday. 

Third note: I’ve gone back to eating Cheerios for breakfast, due to my cholesterol being high again.