It has been a while since I have blogged about middle child’s depression because it is a very difficult topic. When I wrote about The teenage boy is a young man, part of my breakdown was due to middle child having a breakdown and being so far away, I was pretty much useless in trying to help her. All I could do was listen. Yesterday, was another one of those days. Everything seemed to be going wrong for middle child, so when she phoned me, the tears were flowing and she was bawling. It is so difficult to try to console someone through the telephone and it is even more difficult for me as a mother to not cry with her. I feel her pain. I feel it differently though, I cannot understand the feelings of total helplessness, loneliness, worthlessness, of thinking you are a total screw-up. I try to find the right words to make her feel better but sometimes the words just make her cry harder because there are no correct words to say. All I can do is be there to listen, to tell her that her father and I will be coming soon to pick her up and bring her home. There were so many phone calls yesterday that I lost count, but by the last call she was feeling somewhat better, though I wasn’t. My heart was and is still breaking and as I write this down, the tears run down my face.
Depression is evil and unrelenting.