Tag Archives: Humour

Rental Agreement

Well that time has arrived again, middle child, the “young adult” has moved out. She has secured herself full-time employment in another city approximately forty-five minutes away. Her new job is with the same company her older sister works at, so naturally the older sister (and her boyfriend) offered her a room in their home.  Before the younger sister could officially move in, the older sister had to come up with a rental agreement for the younger sister to sign. Here is the “Residential Tenancy Agreement” middle child signed:

Rental Agreement

Rental agreement between the eldest, her boyfriend & middle child.

Vagina Lips

A couple of weeks ago I received a magazine in the mail, and on the front cover was a lovely image of a model’s face. The only problem was she was wearing a bright red lipstick. Now I love the true colour of red, I should, I’m a redhead, but when it comes to red lipstick, I absolutely abhor it. Generally I do not like lipstick, I don’t enjoy the feel of it, or the fact lipstick never, ever says on, and the worst is the impression it tends to leave on glassware when you are having a drink!

So when I saw this model wearing red lipstick, it once again led to one of the many conversations I have with my husband, as to why I don’t like this or that, and why he doesn’t either. His response about the lipstick was ‘it’s like you are wearing a vagina on your face, and something to the effect that he prefers a vagina to be down there’. Gross, right? Yep. I must say though, I did burst out laughing when he said this, only because, well the visualization.

Jokingly I said I was going to Tweet his comment, and of course (knowing my husband so well) he said, go ahead. So I did, but I made one huge mistake, I used the word hate. Hubby did not say hate when he told me the reason why he doesn’t like red lipstick. The first person who responded to me, said that’s pretty hateful, whereas the second “gahh, I will never look at red lipstick the same way, ugh” with added laughter. Well the conversation with the first person went from bad to worse in no time. There was no way I was able to convince her that my husband was not being hateful. Whereas the conversation with the second person was full of laughter.

Moral of this story: “use chapstick”

Adventures of Kevin, my Elf on a Shelf

A few years ago, I bought myself some Christmas Ducks to add to my decorations. The Christmas ducks looked fabulous in my kitchen, but then the games began. The teenage boy thought it would be funny to hide them on me, and each time I found them he would hide them again. This goes on for at least the two weeks leading up to Christmas. You can read about the Christmas ducks here. This year, I purchased an Elf on the Shelf and even though the elf is not geared to a teenager or adult children, I thought it would be a gas to have him in the house.

Much to my surprise though, each one of my children thought the Elf on the Shelf was creepy, but I went ahead and received an adoption certificate and name him Kevin. Kevin was chosen since my husband is always trying to rename our beagle Cocoa Kevin who is amazing in this Samsung commercial (our beagle cannot do anything but sit, stay, and lay down).

Back to the Elf. I proudly displayed Kevin and spoke about him incessantly. The Elf on the shelf was proudly displayed in the kitchen along with my other decorations when the teenage boy decided he would do to the Elf what he has been doing to my Christmas ducks, hide him. Now if you know me, you would realize I am completely oblivious to my surroundings. I walk from point A to point B without noticing anything at all, thus the reason things can only be hidden in the kitchen or living room, they can’t be to low to the ground (I don’t bend well) and not to high up that I have to climb.

I am now always on the lookout for Kevin, my elf on the shelf, but realize as soon as I take my eyes off of him, he is hidden again along with my Christmas ducks.