Tag Archives: retirement

When the adult child moves back home

Middle child after climbing Mont Yongma in South KoreaMiddle child, age 24 has lived in Seoul, South Korea for the past year, she now returns home in exactly one week. For the first few weeks she will be crabby, something she, herself freely admits. Part of the problem will be the time change for her. Seoul is thirteen hours ahead of us. Her nights, are my days. For the past year, she has phoned us just before her bedtime, when we are just getting up to start our day. So when I spoke with her this morning, I asked if she would still have a morning chat with me. She responded, well if I am up feeding the dogs I will. I reminded her that her father feeds the dogs at 6:30am, her tune soon changed well I guess not then.

Well living in South Korea, middle child’s diet completely changed. She eats mostly vegetables because meat is very expensive, we eat meat a good five nights out of seven. She eats a lot of sushi, we never eat sushi. I said she could have the refrigerator in the basement to keep her food, but she didn’t seem to like that idea. She also hasn’t really eaten a lot of cheese, something she lived on when she was here, regardless of the fact, it makes her incredibly ill because she has a milk intolerance. When she was home the cheese disappeared quickly in the fridge, whereas the last package of cheese her father and I had in the fridge, went mouldy because we didn’t eat very much of it.

She has a part-time job when she returns, while she looks for a full-time job in her set career, but in the meantime, she says she will be relaxing for a few weeks, it is her retirement from teaching she tells me. Ha! I remind her that her father is 54, and will not be able to retire for another ten years, thus retirement for her at twenty-four will not happen.

When she arrives home, the first few days will be lovely, even though we have spoken with her pretty much every day since she left, it is still not the same as actually seeing and giving her a hug when she is sad. After the initial I missed you days, the screaming will probably ensue by both of us trying to learn how to live together again. I will want her to wash the dishes, and she will complain about how many coffee cups I use in a day. Eventually she will wash them, but probably not to my liking. It is a mother thing. She will leave a mess that I am not use too, I will leave a mess that she is not use too. Oh life will be fun as we learn to live together again, and not want to kill each other.

When the adult child returns home to live after being away for a year, have you experienced this?

I went from a stay-at-home-mom to retired

RetiredIt didn’t really hit me last year when my youngest started university because he was attending school while living at home. It was still a normal day, he would leave in the morning but be home for dinner. If he was going to be late, he would send me a text message, but most days he was home for supper. This year is different though, last weekend we drove middle child and the teenage boy to another province for their return to university. There are no lunches to be made, no parent-teacher conferences, no afterschool sports, there is nothing. The eldest is home, but at twenty-four, a college graduate and working, I can’t really say I am a stay-at-home-mom (see Note) for her, so I am retired.

On the weekend, I met another mom, who also went from SAHM to retired. Now there are women out there who would argue that she should go out to work, the identity argument. How can you have an identity if you have no career and why would anyone want to go from SAHM to retired? Well, they do fine living on her husband’s income, so moneywise, there is no need for her to work. (Which brings another argument, why wouldn’t you want your own money? For some, like myself, my husband’s paycheque is the family’s paycheque). What does she do with her time then? Once or twice a week, she volunteers at a seniors home and you know what, it’s enough. She is happy with her life, no longer a stay-at-home-mom but retired.

Note: I haven’t been able to work for quite a few years now, but it has always been easier to say I am a stay-at-home-mom.