The Trauma of Sexual Assault

Listening to Dr. Christine Blasey Ford recall her sexual assault has been nothing short of traumatising for me all over again, but I listen, I tweet, hoping there are other women out there with her strength that will come forward and speak out.

I’ve been sexually assaulted three times. The second was the most damaging to me, and it happened over thirty-five years ago. I can recall every minute of it, what he was wearing, where his hands were, how he took his penis out of his pants, caressed himself until he ejaculated about three feet from my face, thinking I was asleep.

He may not have physically touched me, but he got deep into my brain, so deep that till this day, it will creep into my mind when my best friend’s husband hugs me, regardless of how safe I know he is (I did tell him years ago, when I would do anything to avoid the hug, just the thought of another man, besides my husband touching me, sent me into panic mode).

It would creep into my mind when our girls were little, I would explain to them as best as I could (age appropriate) that it was not okay for another man to do this or that.

It would and still does occasionally creep into my mind during the most intimate times with my husband. I have to gather all of my strength to somehow put it back into that closet and triple lock the door.

I will never get over the trauma of the assault, I will only find new locks for the door. I look back and wish I had had the courage to press charges, all I can do now is fully support those who have been sexually assaulted, raped, violated, in hopes that one day it will end.

I believe

6 thoughts on “The Trauma of Sexual Assault

  1. The Hook

    You’re one of my heroes, Catherine.
    I’ve been where you were.
    I know your pain, though in my own way.

    I wish you all the best, my friend.
    You’re an inspiration.

    Reply
    1. AlwaysARedhead Post author

      Oh my goodness Jackie, your words have entered my heart. There are some tears, sadness for both of us, but with this support, life is easier. Sending you love.

      Reply
      1. The Hook

        Thank you, Catherine, but I’m Robert.
        I share an e-mail address – and my life – with my wife, Jackie.
        Jackie’s been very fortunate in her life to have never known the sort of pain the two of us (and so many others) have experienced.
        But I’ll certainly accept your love, thanks again.

        Reply
        1. AlwaysARedhead Post author

          So sorry Robert, yes the e-mail address confused me, it was a 50/50 shot. My husband is also fortunate like Jackie, not experiencing such pain. Again, thank you.

          Reply
  2. Naomi Baltuck

    I think our country has gone mad, to put a self-confessed sex offender into the highest office in the land, and now they are trying to put another one into our highest court. I am so ashamed that it has come to this. All the news must be very traumatic, and I applaud your courage for speaking out. Wishing you peace, and comfort.

    Reply
    1. AlwaysARedhead Post author

      Thank you Naomi. It was a difficult but necessary post. What is happening in the United States, can easily happen here in Canada, thus we must continue to speak out and support all women.

      Reply

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