The bead and the raisin

When the children were young, they were always well-behaved when we were out visiting. We never had any trouble and were always welcomed back. This of course, doesn’t mean our children were perfect but they were always quite polite, please and thank you’s were the norm.

Middle child though was the curious one. There was the time when we decided to visit my sister-in-law (SIL), a lovely nine-hour drive away, which of course took us thirteen. Either way, the children were very happy to see their cousins. With our three kids and my SIL’s five, we certainly had a house full, and naturally since we all hadn’t see each other in quite a while, it was very difficult to keep tabs on everyone.  The children were downstairs playing at the time, when my oldest who was, I think six at the time, thus making her younger sister four, came running upstairs to tell me that her sister had stuck a bead up her nose. Were we surprised by this? No. I mean it was my curious middle child. We called her upstairs, and asked if she had in fact stuck a bead up her nose, and she happily said yes. My SIL was a nurse so she thought she could easily pull the bead out, but this was not the case. The bead was way up there, off to the hospital we go. A bead up the nose is not an emergency so we settled in for a long wait. As the hours went by, middle child fell asleep in my SIL’s arms. Then, suddenly she awoke sneezing, and much to the surprise of everyone else in the waiting room out came the bead! The bead looked very similar to this:


Back at my SIL’s house, I told middle child please don’t do this again, and then I asked a silly question: Will you do this again dear? She said yes. Oh no, I thought. Now move ahead a few months, enter the raisin. Dad is vacuuming and middle child comes to me, casually stating that she has stuck a raisin up her nose. Damn. Now the problem with raisins, is they swell, so I had no hope of grabbing it, not that I would, this is a daddy thing to do, not a mommy thing. I get her father, who suggests that he use the vacuum to get the raisin out. I freak, yelling I don’t think so. Not wanting to go to the hospital, I phone the doctor. He suggests, one of us, blow into the nostril without the raisin, and hopefully the raisin will come flying out. Well, just picture this, not wanting to get slime on his shirt, dad takes his shirt off, and then tries to blow into the one nostril, but I am laughing hysterically, not helping the situation at all. He tries again. He blows, and blows, nothing happens. I am still laughing. Middle child is also laughing. So then he has her put her own finger on the nostril without the raising thus closing it, and tells her to try to blow air. After, a few tries, with continuous laughter, the raisin finally comes out, flying across the kitchen floor. Middle child is very proud of herself. I am relieved. Once again I ask middle child if she will do this again, and thankfully, she says no. Double relief! Dad, of course, is saying that the vacuum would have worked. I roll my eyes.

The Tooth Fairy

Many parents have a difficult time dealing with “Tooth Fairy Issues”, the obvious one being how much money does the tooth fairy leave for the first tooth, but the not so obvious one is what do you do when your child uses “duct tape” to attach their tooth securely to the hand.

Our daughter was 9 years old, a fan of The Red Green Show (if you are not familiar with Red Green, well he used duct tape to fix/repair everything) and she in turn, loved duct tape too.

She was also at the age when she questioned the existence of the Tooth Fairy. Thus when she lost another tooth, and after mom & dad had gone to bed, she thought she would be a smarty pants in order to catch the so far unseen Tooth Fairy.

Under the cover of darkness, we sneakily entered her room, but much to our surprise we find streams of duct tape securely fastened to her tiny hand. What to do? Her dad tries unsuccessfully to undo the tape, trying to find the teeny-weeny tooth. Under our breath we are both laughing, and thinking how could she do this to us? After many attempts, we decide that it is useless, there is no way in hell that we are going to get the tape off her hand without waking her. Not knowing the right or wrong way to deal with this issue, we go ahead and leave money under her pillow, knowing quite well that we will have to come up with some pretty darn good answer in the morning.  In the meantime, my brain is working overtime thinking of some way to get even with her. Now, I realize she was only nine at the time, but she had really ticked me off. The answer then came to me, I would have the Tooth Fairy write her a letter explaining how bad it is to duct tape your tooth to your hand. Since she would recognize both mine and my husband’s handwriting, I decided I would get someone I worked with to write the letter.  Little did I realize what a great letter my workmate would write! So here it is:

Dear Miss G. Burden,

We have received a complaint from Tooth Fairy B46257983/P (Bruce) who is responsible for Southwestern Ontario and Erie, PA.

On or about Feb. 4, 2003 Bruce attempted to make a scheduled pickup in the pink bedroom, upper bunk at the Burden household.

Imagine his dismay when he discovered that you, Miss Burden had done what we in the tooth trade call a “RedGreen”.

Shame on you!

Our policy in cases of this sort is to leave the tooth and keep the money. However Bruce felt you must have accidentally wrapped your tooth in many layers of duct tape, and so he left you $2.00 Canadian ($1.32 US) as a token of our goodwill.

Be informed that if we do not receive your tooth in the condition it left your mouth by this Friday, our associate, the Easter Bunny will be paying you a visit. Do not make us come and get you!

Head Fairy

The next day, the letter was left under our daughter’s pillow. Well, this was a big mistake because now she not only truly believed in the Tooth Fairy but she felt the Easter Bunny was out to get her. Great, we will be voted bad parents of the year. I have no choice but to tell her the truth. There is no Tooth Fairy, yes there is an Easter Bunny and no he is not out to get you, I promise.

The letter: