Did you get the “extended warranty?”

There is never, ever a dull moment in our house. Sometimes there are tears, and sometimes there is a whole lot of laughter.

Yesterday I signed for a package for middle child. I had no idea what I was signing for, but since she signs for my mail, I figured I would return the favour, saving her a trip to the post office. Well little did I know what was in the long, rectangular shaped box – I couldn’t even fathom a guess, I would just have to wait until she returned home from running errands. I did send her a text telling her mail had arrived for her from China. She responded with not Turkey? Turkey, I say? Her reply “nvm” (never mind, for those of you who aren’t up-to-date on texting shortcuts).

About an hour or so later, as hubby and I are in the kitchen preparing for dinner, middle child returns home, and I give her the “package”. Being so ever curious, I ask what she has ordered. Well, as she bursts out laughing, she tells me it’s a “Bluetooth vibrator”. OMFG! You mean, I signed for a Bluetooth vibrator? Geez, laughter, lots and lots of laughter from all three of us. She goes on to explain how she was with her friends, a few drinks too many, on Amazon, and lo and behold the Bluetooth vibrator caught her attention, and well she is almost 25 and doesn’t have a boyfriend at this current time. Plus, she said her friend bought one too, then she reminded me about the vibrator she found in my dresser drawer. Oops.

Of course dad jokingly asks “did you get the extended warranty?” ROTFLMAO!

Note: A healthy sex life is a good thing, and more importantly if you can talk to your kids about sex, you have a great relationship.

Breaking all the rules in bed

Yesterday I was reading an article on realbuzz.com about the “10 things you should never do in bed” and I passed with 50%. Now before you continue reading, I must warn you that some of this post is falling in the ‘to much information’ category so if you are uncomfortable in any way you may want to stop now.

1. Things you should never do in bed: Cry

My first failure. Apparently this is a big no-no because it makes your partner feel uncomfortable. Okay, I will admit the first time I broke out in full-fledged tears, my husband immediately stopped because he thought he was hurting me. After explaining that the tears and bawling were a sign of complete and utter joy because he nailed the g-spot, hubby was more understanding. Now it does still freak him out but he realizes I am just a mess of hormones so he just soldiers on.

2.  Things you should never do in bed: Laugh

Second failure. I have been known to laugh when hubby attempts to talk dirty in bed. It’s funny, his voice changes, going deeper, and then whatever he says, I crack up, but then he laughs too. So we are both guilty in this case. I guess because we have been married twenty-five years, talking dirty is just something we have never needed to do.

3.  Things you should never do in bed: Check the clock

Third failure. Are you kidding? Does the author know how much fun it is the check the clock, and say “WOW we lasted 7 minutes!”

4.  Things you should never do in bed: Compare

Not an issue here. We don’t compare because we don’t remember.

5.  Things you should never do in bed: First time confession

I agree.

6.  Things you should never do in bed: Plan your dinner

Fourth failure. Granted talking about dinner during sex can be a real bummer but talking about it afterwards is fine. If it is an afternoon rendezvous and I initiated sure I am going to chat about dinner, because I’m going to suggest hubby cook since I just gave him that 7 minutes of fun! (refer to #3)

7.  Things you should never do in bed: Fart

Definitely a big NO at any time and if it accidentally happens, stop immediately, don’t move, don’t breathe and after a good ten minutes continue on.

8. Things you should never do in bed: Check Twitter

And please do not tweet you just had sex unless of course it was funny sex.

9. Things you should never do in bed: Impersonate

Role playing is fun so why not impersonate, though if hubby tries I would probably burst out in laughter. (refer to #2)

10. Things you should never do in bed: Pressure

Fifth failure. Certainly pressuring someone to do something they don’t want to do is wrong, but pressuring hubby to hurry up because the kids will be home in 8 minutes does happen. (refer to #3)

How do you rate?