How to tell a non-nudist from a nudist

When we were in the initial planning stages of our vacation to Jamaica, one of the main requirements for me, besides hot and sunny weather was it had to be an adults-only resort. Don’t get me wrong I love children, but I wanted a vacation where we weren’t hearing little ones yell for mommy or daddy, and I wanted to see what it was like to go to a restaurant, where there weren’t kids throwing tantrums or running up & down the aisles. Now as many of you already know, hubby and I stayed on the clothing optional side of the resort (ironically, one of the resorts I had originally tried to convince my darling husband to go to was Hedonism. I explained to him that there was a prude side we could stay on, and if we felt comfortable enough we could go to the non-prude side, but he said no, he wasn’t up to that right now).

So there we were on the clothing optional side (we hadn’t planned it, but the first room we were given was on the second floor, and there were too many stairs for me), approximately twenty feet from the beach, close to the bar and some to-die-for lamb chops. We had lounge chairs on our patio, lots of sun but also shade (necessary for when you run out of sunblock).

Now it didn’t take me long to drop the bathing suit for nudity, I blame out of whack perimenopause hormones for my lack of discretion, whereas it took my husband another day to drop his shorts. I believe he needed to see that there were no super models he had to compete with, one can only hold their tummy in for so long. Plus there is the manhood to consider, will it be up to snuff with everyone else. This is where hubby and I found there were two types of the male nudist, the ones that are nude all the time, and the ones that are only nude on vacation. The permanent nudists are shall I say, long and relaxed whereas the vacation nudists are mushroom caps, why? Well for the simple reason their manhood has been trapped in underwear its entire life. Now you know how to tell a non-nudist from a nudist.

I took this picture years ago at a provincial park we were camping at completely clothed

A day in the life

Yesterday morning started off with me being awaken by my alarm at 5:30 a.m. I had volunteered to phone the teenage boy to make sure he was awake. What makes a mom do this? Guilt, insanity or love as one of my twitter friends commented. I believe it is a combination of all three. Luckily though, I was able to go back to sleep whereas the teenage boy was starting his long, very long trip home for spring break.

After the teenage boy was awaken, he called for a taxi which would take him to the first bus station in Sherbrooke, Quebec. From there he would be go to Montreal, a two and a half hour ride through the Eastern Townships. Once in Montreal, he hopped on the subway to go to the next bus station, where he caught the Megabus. This bus takes him to Toronto with a stop in Kingston and can be anywhere from six to eight hours depending on traffic. Yesterday there was traffic once the bus arrived in Toronto. He did eventually arrive where the subway is not easy to locate, and taxis are nowhere, so he walked for about a half hour in the brittle cold to the last bus station. He was now only an hour away from home, and the eldest was picking him up so he wouldn’t have to catch another bus. All in all, it took him almost 14 hours to get home. Normally hubby and I would have driven to Lennoxville, Quebec to pick him and his sister (middle child) plus her dog up, but she decided to stay for break. When we do drive, it is not always faster in a car. Last time there was an accident on the highway, so in total it was a twelve-hour drive.

Once the teenage boy was home, the eldest was leaving for the weekend. Since dad was still at work, she decided to drive the van and leave it at the bus station for him. Her bus was at eight, he finished work at eight, so this was a good plan, so we thought. What happened? Well:

Text from DD: “Dad didn’t bring his car keys.”
Me: “Expletive”
DD: “He’s a tool, lol”
Me: “What can I do?”
DD: “Nothing” “I asked the bus driver to give me one minute to run to the van so I can put the key in the door for dad”
Me: “Thank God”
DD: “Driver was funny” “He’s like that took 1:03 minutes” “I said I’d be a minute”
Bus driver: “We were just discussing how to divide your bag up”
Another passenger: “I was hoping there was food”
DD: “I’m like sorry no food”
Me: “Lmao!”
DD: “And them I told the driver my pants wouldn’t fit him anyways”
Me: “I’m cracking up” Laughing so hard, I’m crying
DD: “Ahaha”
Me: “Priceless” “So you gave dad your spare key”
DD: “ya, he’s got the spare key” “I left it in the door”
Me: “Great, I hope no one steals the van”
DD: “No dad was running to the van, and he was there less than 30 secs after me”
Me: “okay, thanks for the laugh”
DD: “lol, I’m still out of breath”
Me: “It was only 1.03 minutes”
DD” “Funny, lol. A minute of sprinting”

Dad arrives home, and I am still laughing. He too is also laughing, realizing he looked like a fool running in his work boots, arms a flailing. Now if the eldest wasn’t able to leave the key for hubby, he would have had to walk up the escarpment to home and then back down again, which would have taken him an hour.

That was our day, how was yours?

Conversations with the teenage boy

The teenage boy dressed as a mime
On Facebook:

The teenage boy: Fuuuuucking hell, fire in Keuhner. (The residence where the teenage boy lives while attending university).

Mom: Oh my goodness, is everyone okay? And you son?

The teenage boy: I had to fireman carry out Ryan, so I’m a little smoked and exhausted. My leg hurts; I had to kick down Ryan’s door.

Ryan: Thank you teenage boy for saving my life.

Mom: What?

Switch to BBM:

Mom: Is what you just said on Facebook true?

The teenage boy: Yeah

Mom: OMG. Did they check you out?

The teenage boy: Yeah, I’m getting a scholarship from the university npw (npw = no problem whatsoever)

Mom: Phone me

The teenage boy: Oh god you’re fun in the morning.

Switch back to Facebook:

Mom: Please do not screw with mom’s brain early in the morning.

Mom: The brain is not working at 100% today, no sleep & loads of pain today. Grocery shopping will not happen.

The teenage boy: So, the usual, eh. Thinking mom: Thanks for the support son.

Mom: I have completely misplaced two brand new red pillowcases. I am thinking I possibly hid them somewhere when I was sleep walking.

The teenage boy: Maybe they’re on the pillows already. Dun dun duuuun! *plot twist*

Mom: I found the missing red pillow cases son, apparently I only have two, not four as I was thinking. Mystery solved.

The teenage boy: Looks like old age is really affecting your math skills.

Mom: I like to believe it is all the stress you cause me. hashtag #TeenageBoyWorrying