Feeling so ever lost

My husband turned 54 this past Saturday, we are now the same age, and will be until April when I will turn 55. At the beginning of the month we returned the young man to university, he may be home in the spring, but there is also a good chance he will not be. The eldest lives an hour away from us, and well middle child is in a whole different country, Seoul, South Korea. At home one hundred percent of the time are the dogs and I. It is very quiet.

I spend a good deal of my time looking for a house in the country that doesn’t have a perfectly mowed lawn, but trees, lots of trees, maybe a pond, bushes, and wild flowers. I no longer enjoy the city, it’s far too noisy for me, I no longer have children that I am transporting here and there. I take the dogs to the dog park, or if my husband isn’t working we take them to one of the trails nearby.

Houses in the country though, are, it seems very expensive, unless we move further west but then the commute for my husband would be well over an hour, too much for a guy who has walked to work for the past twenty odd years. So I look for houses in some of the much smaller towns that aren’t too far away. Simcoe, has some lovely ones, the commute would be an hour or less, he can do that so I tell him.

I’m looking to revitalize our life, change it. Ultimately I would like to move up north or somewhere around Picton, or to the eastern townships of Quebec. Β To move to any of those places my husband would have to retire, or start a new job. Retirement can’t happen for a few years, and starting a new job when you receive six weeks vacation right now, doesn’t sound all that appealing to my husband.

Right now would be a good time to sell our house, a house we have made into a home for the last twenty-three and half years. Middle child was two months old when we moved here. There have been a lot of changes, and I do love my house, but it is too big for us now. Even if the young man returns home for the summer, the house is still too big.

As I continue to walk up the hill of life, I’m feeling so ever lost. Bear is leading me, but he has no idea where he is going, until I tell him right or left, and I don’t really know which way.

Bear, middle child's dog helps me walk up the hill

39 Replies to “Feeling so ever lost”

  1. What a poignant post. I have children popping in now and then from out of state college, but my youngest graduates in June, and will be off to Mongolia on a Fulbright, and she is taking her brother with her. I would rather they are together, watching out for each other, but I will really be feeling the empty nest. In preparation for this, I’ve made an effort in the last year or two to host house concerts and writing retreats–it’s not the same as having your own little chicks in your cozy little nest, but it helps. Best wishes.

    1. Mongolia – oh my, that is both scary and wonderful at the same time, just like our middle child in South Korea. It is quite nice that the two of them will be together. I am not used to this empty nest feeling at all, I honestly just don’t enjoy it. I loved having our kids around, or at least close by, and now the youngest has a summer job at his university, so he will not be home at all. We will instead spend our summer vacation where he is. Good for you hosting house concerts and writing retreats, they do sound like quite a bit of fun.

      We have many options on the table, we are looking into the possibility of moving vs staying. If we stay, we could rent two of the spare rooms to college or university students. Everything is so up in the air at the moment as we continue with fixing up the house. My husband is just so enjoying painting room after room. πŸ™‚ Thank you for your reading and commenting Naomi.

  2. All the best on your journey. No matter where it takes you, I will follow along on your adventures. Even the ones that make me blush.

    Let me know if you’re ever considering Mexico, I know of a great roof you can sleep on.

    Besos, Sarah
    Journeys of The Zoo

  3. So glad to have found your post – it really resonates with me. My children are also grown up and I’m trying to find a new axis on which to spin. I hope your spirit feels settled again very soon.

    1. Thank you, some days are good, some days not so good. You would think looking for a new direction would be exciting but I think since I don’t know where I’m going, it leaves me feeling blah. I hope you find you new axis to spin on. Thank you for dropping in and commenting.

  4. I’m so glad I stumbled across this post – I’ve been in a similar situation for a little while (though for opposite reasons – I’m staring down the barrel of never filling a nest, and while I’m okay with that, missing out on those major milestones and the, lifestyle of parenting (for want of a better term) left me feeling a bit lost. I could live anywhere and anyhow – so how and where to live? In the end I sort of just rode it out – I think that’s all you can ever do really – and new directions and passions are starting to open up again!

    1. I’m also glad that you have stumbled here and commented Claire. Riding it out explains exactly what is happening, it didn’t help that the two houses I inquired about were sold that same day. I do hope that new directions and passions will start again, I’m waiting and am ready for them.

  5. I feel you on the whole ’empty nest’ thing. I separated from my partner a few years ago and my kids no longer live with me, so I got to experience that much earlier than I had assumed I would.

    I’d love to be able to give you some sage advice on how to manage it, but to be honest I am still pretty lost myself. I do envy you your dog, by the way – he’s beautiful!

  6. So sad to hear that your empty nest is making you feel lost at the moment. Maybe a new house would give you something else to think about? Life should be all about what you want to do now that the kids are all grown… it’s never easy to let go completely though is it?! Be happy x

  7. I’m a few years away from this yet, but I’m listening and feeling your anxiety/confusion/restlessness/need to change and probably a million more emotions I don’t know. Change is hard, but even I – the great resister of any sort of change – have found that when change comes it puts us right where we are meant to be and we not only adjust but somehow find a way to excel. Hang in there…..I think you might just be finding a whole new you and you’re going to like her!

  8. I wrote a long comment and then somehow lost it. πŸ™ Love the photo of you and your ‘Bear’. Life is like that, nothing ever stays the same, and once the kids start to leave home, things change very quickly. I’m sure you and your hubby will adapt, and one day you’ll find your dream home. As long as the children are happy and fulfilled, that’s what matters the most.

    1. I agree, the children, though not children any longer are very happy, so life is good. Bear is such a wonderful dog, and is doing well at helping me up hills I can’t manage on my own.

  9. Mmm. Sorry to hear you’re restless. It must be part of that empty nest syndrome, as they call it. You will know Catherine. At the moment your soul is only whispering, but the call will get louder and the way will come. As long you continue to pay attention, you will be led. It might not be yet, but the right thing will come at the right time when your priorities aren’t elsewhere. YOu have much to be proud of. Perhaps have a breather?! Beautiful photos xx

  10. We all go through this I think. The kids leave home and we lose some of our purpose.
    But it’s YOUR time now. …. And I hope you find your new home and enjoy this new and exciting chapter of your life.
    Good luck to you and your OH. x

  11. It’s a funny stage in life for us mothers and you are not alone, Catherine. It takes time to readjust and get ones head round it. The really great thing is that we now have this time for ourselves, time to do things that we love and enjoy but have been putting off for years. I’m excited for you with your plans. I think a move sounds like a good idea! I’m sure you’ll find somewhere that you both love and that is within easy commuting distance of work, etc. And, I bet Bear help will point you in the right direction πŸ™‚

    1. It is a funny stage of life, and comforting to know that I am not alone. There is one house we both seem to like, we just need to check it out, but first determine whether or not the young man will be home for the summer. He is against moving, he is worried he would not be able to find a job not knowing anyone in a new place. I do understand his point, he has to pay for university, and that is currently a top priority. Thank you Lottie, your words mean a lot.

      1. Kids hate the idea of change and they are bound to not go” Yippeeeee” when they hear of your plans but, change is inevitable, it’s part of life and, tough though it may sound, it is your time now to do the things that you need/want to. Good Luck Catherine and I hope that whatever you decide, everything turns out well for you xx

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