How to tell a non-nudist from a nudist

When we were in the initial planning stages of our vacation to Jamaica, one of the main requirements for me, besides hot and sunny weather was it had to be an adults-only resort. Don’t get me wrong I love children, but I wanted a vacation where we weren’t hearing little ones yell for mommy or daddy, and I wanted to see what it was like to go to a restaurant, where there weren’t kids throwing tantrums or running up & down the aisles. Now as many of you already know, hubby and I stayed on the clothing optional side of the resort (ironically, one of the resorts I had originally tried to convince my darling husband to go to was Hedonism. I explained to him that there was a prude side we could stay on, and if we felt comfortable enough we could go to the non-prude side, but he said no, he wasn’t up to that right now).

So there we were on the clothing optional side (we hadn’t planned it, but the first room we were given was on the second floor, and there were too many stairs for me), approximately twenty feet from the beach, close to the bar and some to-die-for lamb chops. We had lounge chairs on our patio, lots of sun but also shade (necessary for when you run out of sunblock).

Now it didn’t take me long to drop the bathing suit for nudity, I blame out of whack perimenopause hormones for my lack of discretion, whereas it took my husband another day to drop his shorts. I believe he needed to see that there were no super models he had to compete with, one can only hold their tummy in for so long. Plus there is the manhood to consider, will it be up to snuff with everyone else. This is where hubby and I found there were two types of the male nudist, the ones that are nude all the time, and the ones that are only nude on vacation. The permanent nudists are shall I say, long and relaxed whereas the vacation nudists are mushroom caps, why? Well for the simple reason their manhood has been trapped in underwear its entire life. Now you know how to tell a non-nudist from a nudist.

I took this picture years ago at a provincial park we were camping at completely clothed

42 Replies to “How to tell a non-nudist from a nudist”

  1. Too funny! I just read this, mushroom caps?! Must not have been many Quebecers or Europeans!

      1. This summer my wife and I sumbled on to Cap-aux-oies beach on vacation. To our surprise the far end of the beach is nude. After seeing how carefree is seemed my wife took off her top and I my shorts. It was great! However,either the slight nervousness to be naked in front of strangers or the brisk breeze off the St-Lawrence, had my manhood in the mushroom camp. Well, if uncircumcised ones are still called mushroom caps lol.

  2. Now this is a story that I wonder if I could ever do. I would have a towel or blanket with me at all times.

  3. Hahahahaha! I would probably be kicked out for staring. I think you are awesome for doing that.

  4. I love this post and laughed out loud! Thank you for sharing. I would never have the nerve to take off my clothes. I am a real prude lol.

  5. Oh my god. I can’t believe you just said that right out loud! I am lost for words! *Attempts to think of something to say.* *Fails.* *Raises eyebrows at self.*

  6. First of all, great closing because I didn’t see that coming. I’ve never been to a nude beach … not sure I ever will … but time will tell.

    1. I will definitely go to an adults only resort again, the atmosphere was wonderful. Stripping off was not big deal honestly, I’ve had more uncomfortable stares when I have been dressed in a sexy dress then when I was nude.

      1. Well, I will await the next installments, and also send your blog to my daughter (a fully-fledged redhead). We need to do all we can to sell ‘brand Jamaica’ and the market in organ-ic products is ripe for us, and should not be missed πŸ˜›

        1. Ah a Redhead, she must not only be smart and witty like her dad but beautiful. I do have a few more lovely pictures of Jamaica, though nothing from the clothing optional side. Security surrounded us, to make sure there were no cameras.

  7. Ahahahahaha!! This is very interesting and hilarious information, which I will keep for future reference! It WAS very brave of you both. But perhaps I could do it, if everyone else was… Thanks for the wonderful chuckle!!

    1. It was very freeing, I was pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed myself. Once you get over the initial feelings of omg, and realize no one cares that you are nude, it really isn’t a big deal. I was very liberal with the sunblock, so nothing was burnt, thank goodness.

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