I went from a stay-at-home-mom to retired

RetiredIt didn’t really hit me last year when my youngest started university because he was attending school while living at home. It was still a normal day, he would leave in the morning but be home for dinner. If he was going to be late, he would send me a text message, but most days he was home for supper. This year is different though, last weekend we drove middle child and the teenage boy to another province for their return to university. There are no lunches to be made, no parent-teacher conferences, no afterschool sports, there is nothing. The eldest is home, but at twenty-four, a college graduate and working, I can’t really say I am a stay-at-home-mom (see Note) for her, so I am retired.

On the weekend, I met another mom, who also went from SAHM to retired. Now there are women out there who would argue that she should go out to work, the identity argument. How can you have an identity if you have no career and why would anyone want to go from SAHM to retired? Well, they do fine living on her husband’s income, so moneywise, there is no need for her to work. (Which brings another argument, why wouldn’t you want your own money? For some, like myself, my husband’s paycheque is the family’s paycheque). What does she do with her time then? Once or twice a week, she volunteers at a seniors home and you know what, it’s enough. She is happy with her life, no longer a stay-at-home-mom but retired.

Note: I haven’t been able to work for quite a few years now, but it has always been easier to say I am a stay-at-home-mom.

Mom asked if he had a big dong?

Mr. BirdI’ve always believed that it is a parent’s job to keep their children on their toes. Now when they were young, we would do a variety of different things to keep them hopping. Of course, they are much older now and for the life of me I can’t remember any of those tricks of the trade. I do know that I did things, because every once in a while my children will remind me of what a horrible upbringing they had (every parent’s worst nightmare). God forbid that they will have kids, and actually utter the phrase “I never thought I would say/do what my parents did”. I am waiting for that day, so I can respond with “I told you so”. lol, I’m a bad mom.

The other day middle child’s brother and dad were working, and her older sister had yet to return from her weekend away, so I took middle child out for dinner. After a lovely meal, where middle child ate cheese (she is lactose intolerant), then had a mocha cappuccino but forgot to order it with soy milk, we had what I would consider an enjoyable walk to the car.

Middle child (21 years old) was chatting away about this and that, where I was only half listening (I was trying to walk with a cane and tweet with my left hand, I’m right-handed so this is always a recipe for disaster) until she said something that caught my attention. She was talking about a guy that she liked, but he had big thighs and for some reason this was a deal breaker for her. So as any good mother should, who has her child’s heart in mind, I ask if the guy has a big dong? She immediately freaks on me (now in case you are a new visitor to my blog, my family talks about everything, so really she should not have been the least surprised that mom would ask this). Later that evening, I over hear middle child telling her dad what I said, when, just for the hell of it, I yell downstairs that her dad has a big dong! She ran upstairs so fast yelling ewww MOM, I was ROTFLMAO.

I’m a bad mom.

What happened when she didn’t sleep for five days?

She exploded and that is putting it mildly.

Middle child has had issues with sleeping for quite a long time now. Her sadness doesn’t help matters or the stress she puts upon herself or the constant stomach pains she has been suffering from for a year. An ultrasound showed she has kidney stones but apparently not enough to cause the pain she suffers so another test has been ordered, a Carbon 14 Breath test.

The medication she was prescribed by the doctor should have knocked her out but for some reason it didn’t even make her tired. Nights went by, but sleep eluded her. Each morning she would come downstairs with bags under her eyes, exhausted, cranky, and tearful. Anytime we said anything to her, she would snap, and snap at us. We tiptoed around her for days but still, we were an annoyance. She was exhausted and there was nothing we could do except hope she would sleep.

Finally earlier in the week, it all came to a head. She lost it on us. She screamed, and screamed, threw plastic cups at her brother (they just happened to be near her). Her brother screamed back, her father screamed back, I yelled for all to stop to no avail. I honestly cannot believe the neighbours did not call the police, the yelling was that mean and loud. I finally walked out, I couldn’t stand it any longer. Barefoot, purse in hand, kleenex box in another, crying I walked down our very busy street oblivious to the cars passing by me. I came to rest at the nearest corner, sat down on a ledge, crying and blowing my nose. The teenage boy came after me, and said the yelling had subsided, she had stopped.

I walked back home, it was quiet when I entered. Middle child had gone to her room and phoned my bff (an Aunt to her). She was calmer now. She told her adopted Aunt how she had lost it, she was terrified she was going nuts because she hadn’t slept in days. DH was in the basement, the teenage boy left for a jog (I think). After her phone call, middle child and I talked. I tried to explain to her, that lack of sleep, the constant pain, makes her full of rage. She took her medication and tried to sleep. I went to bed.

The next morning, she still had not slept but she was calm, crying and apologizing for her behaviour. Finally, two days after her explosion she slept for five hours. She was much happier. We saw our family doctor, who prescribed her medication for her stomach (a major cause of her not sleeping) and told her to increase the other meds.

She is sleeping a tad better now, though she is not 100%, this may take a while but at least she knows her stomach pain is not in her head.

Middle child gave me permission to write this.