There is never, ever a dull moment in our house. Sometimes there are tears, and sometimes there is a whole lot of laughter.
Yesterday I signed for a package for middle child. I had no idea what I was signing for, but since she signs for my mail, I figured I would return the favour, saving her a trip to the post office. Well little did I know what was in the long, rectangular shaped box – I couldn’t even fathom a guess, I would just have to wait until she returned home from running errands. I did send her a text telling her mail had arrived for her from China. She responded with not Turkey? Turkey, I say? Her reply “nvm” (never mind, for those of you who aren’t up-to-date on texting shortcuts).
About an hour or so later, as hubby and I are in the kitchen preparing for dinner, middle child returns home, and I give her the “package”. Being so ever curious, I ask what she has ordered. Well, as she bursts out laughing, she tells me it’s a “Bluetooth vibrator”. OMFG! You mean, I signed for a Bluetooth vibrator? Geez, laughter, lots and lots of laughter from all three of us. She goes on to explain how she was with her friends, a few drinks too many, on Amazon, and lo and behold the Bluetooth vibrator caught her attention, and well she is almost 25 and doesn’t have a boyfriend at this current time. Plus, she said her friend bought one too, then she reminded me about the vibrator she found in my dresser drawer. Oops.
Of course dad jokingly asks “did you get the extended warranty?” ROTFLMAO!
Note: A healthy sex life is a good thing, and more importantly if you can talk to your kids about sex, you have a great relationship.
Last month hubby and I had the opportunity to go away without kids for two weeks, and we took it! Granted there were only two of our three children at living home and they are 23 and 21, so having mom and dad out of the house for a couple of weeks really isn’t a big deal.
Not a lot gets done in regards to personal grooming when you are on the road for two weeks, camping most of the time. Showers were had, but trying to shave one’s legs in a campground shower stall is next to impossible, if you want to do it with hot water. Plus there were a number of days where it had rained and rained so the comfort stations were not in their best shape.
So after two weeks away from home, it was time for hubby and I to pretty ourselves up. I was fine with taking care of myself, hubby was able to trim his beard to perfection, but then came time to deal with the back hair. I know, eww, and he required my assistance.
Some woman may like a hairy man, and certainly I like his hairy chest but when it comes to back hair, no thank you, I do not want to sleep with a grizzly bear. Over the years we have tried different methods of hair removal. There was the waxing episode (insert laughter), it did not go over well, sure enough it removed a lot of hair but he couldn’t handle the pain (and he has the nerve to suggest I wax my nether regions, ha!). Then there was the cream removal treatment, it didn’t really work either, I had to keep slathering it on, then showering it off for him, then slathering it on again, showering, and so on. The final and most successful is plain old shaving with the electric beard trimmer, it’s quick, painless, and does the trick. Voila! He’s been beautified.
Now sex on vacation doesn’t really happen when you are driving, and stopping, and driving all day, then trying to find a place to stay, particularly since this was a spur of the moment trip, and nothing was booked. We were exhausted most nights, then we would be camping, having to cook our dinner, set up the tent, the air mattress, sleeping bags, and hubby’s nightly fight to start a fire with soggy wood (he usually won after soaking everything with camp fuel). Don’t get me wrong, I would not trade the camping for anything, I loved every minute of it, and so did my husband, but we were tired, and even if sex was on our mind, we were tired.
So, when we arrived home, we had to make up for lost time. Now, after years of bad timing you would think middle child would have learned by now, that when you knock on your parent’s bedroom door, you do not just walk in. Apparently the poor girl has not learned, and is once again scarred for life!
After slamming our door shut, she yelled she was going to check the mail. About ten minutes later I sent her a text message asking if we received any mail, she sent me this back:
My brain is overloading
I’m about to throw up
GET A FUCKING HOTEL ROOM
I WANT TO DIE
The poor girl. Now a few weeks have gone by, and I must say she has gotten her revenge, not on purpose, but she has. This morning as I was driving the dogs to the dog park with the windows open, I was suddenly hit in the head by some sort of plastic wrapping, which then drops down to the floor. I look down, and what do I see but an open condom wrapper, OMFG – is the thought! I’m distracted by the dogs, until I arrive home, and as I am letting the dogs out of the car, I actually find the used condom in the back of the van. She got me. I’m grossed out. I’m happy she’s playing it safe, but in my van, ewww, Get a fucking hotel room daughter.
Yesterday out daughter wasn’t feeling all too well, so our family physician suggested we take her to the local emergency department. Since hubby was at work, the eldest dropped her and I off at the hospital. She saw a doctor quite quickly, but that doctor felt it was necessary for middle child to see a specialist, so we found ourselves a seat and plunked our butts down for a long wait. At first I tried to read my book, but middle child wanted to chat so I put the book away. Of course though, as soon as I did that, she changed her mind about chatting.
Now the emergency room was full of quite a few people, plus there was an elderly man laying down on a gurney, attached to a machine that emitted a regular monotone beep. It wasn’t late in the day at all, it was around four o’clock in the afternoon but that monotone beep seemed to be all I needed for me to start to fall asleep. According to middle child my chin would slowly fall down to my chest and then all of a sudden I would jerk up awake and say “what”. This went on for about twenty minutes. She surprisingly didn’t become all too frustrated with me, instead she sent a text to her sister saying that ‘mom needed to be replaced because she keeps falling asleep’. So next thing I knew, I was being sent outside to wait for my husband so we could do the ‘parent switcheroo’. It didn’t seem to matter that he had just finished a shift at work, because he was far better at staying awake than I, who had been home all day not doing a whole heck of a lot.
Note: middle child was seen by a specialist a few hours later, checked over, given a prescription to make her all better, and I had a lovely rest at home.