Who knew there were so many choices ~ Condoms

A few years ago, hubby and I decided to be proactive parents and purchase condoms for our teenagers. Now we thought this would be an easy task, I mean condoms are condoms and when we were teenagers there were not many choices. Off we went to our nearest pharmacy and weren’t we surprised when what we saw was not just a few condoms but an entire wall of condoms. There were coloured, tinted, dry or powdered, ribbed, studded, textured, lubricated, non-lubricated and of course flavoured (eww). As we looked at the wall, we giggled like teenagers buying their first condom for that very important night.

After we finally settled down, we looked at the display seriously. We had no idea what to buy. Obviously we wanted a condom that would stop a pregnancy from occurring and we wanted one that would stop STD’s (sexually transmitted diseases). So after much thought, more giggling, we decided on the old standby, the Trojan condom. Seeing as it had been around for years, it must work. So no coloured, tinted, studded, textured or flavoured, just one heavy-duty condom. When we arrived home with our package, I opened it and put them in the top drawer in the upstairs bathroom. We told the teenagers there would be no questions asked, just take a condom or two when needed and when the drawer was empty, we would replace them.

A few years went by and though it looked like a few had gone missing the majority of condoms were still in the upstairs drawer, yes we bought the largest package available, and no I don’t know why either. So during one our dinner time conversations (where in our family everything is discussed) we asked how come there were so many condoms still in the drawer? Immediately, our eldest spoke and said “Mom, dad, you guy’s bought heavy-duty condoms, you can’t feel a thing with them”, laughter ensued as I tried to explain that what we were looking for was utmost safety, and we honestly didn’t even consider feeling. She and the other two then added that if they needed condoms they would buy their own. Well, the heavy-duty condoms are there if you need them and again we will replace them, maybe with something less heavy-duty.

Are you proactive parents? Would you peruse the condom aisle?


Breaking all the rules in bed

Yesterday I was reading an article on realbuzz.com about the “10 things you should never do in bed” and I passed with 50%. Now before you continue reading, I must warn you that some of this post is falling in the ‘to much information’ category so if you are uncomfortable in any way you may want to stop now.

1. Things you should never do in bed: Cry

My first failure. Apparently this is a big no-no because it makes your partner feel uncomfortable. Okay, I will admit the first time I broke out in full-fledged tears, my husband immediately stopped because he thought he was hurting me. After explaining that the tears and bawling were a sign of complete and utter joy because he nailed the g-spot, hubby was more understanding. Now it does still freak him out but he realizes I am just a mess of hormones so he just soldiers on.

2.  Things you should never do in bed: Laugh

Second failure. I have been known to laugh when hubby attempts to talk dirty in bed. It’s funny, his voice changes, going deeper, and then whatever he says, I crack up, but then he laughs too. So we are both guilty in this case. I guess because we have been married twenty-five years, talking dirty is just something we have never needed to do.

3.  Things you should never do in bed: Check the clock

Third failure. Are you kidding? Does the author know how much fun it is the check the clock, and say “WOW we lasted 7 minutes!”

4.  Things you should never do in bed: Compare

Not an issue here. We don’t compare because we don’t remember.

5.  Things you should never do in bed: First time confession

I agree.

6.  Things you should never do in bed: Plan your dinner

Fourth failure. Granted talking about dinner during sex can be a real bummer but talking about it afterwards is fine. If it is an afternoon rendezvous and I initiated sure I am going to chat about dinner, because I’m going to suggest hubby cook since I just gave him that 7 minutes of fun! (refer to #3)

7.  Things you should never do in bed: Fart

Definitely a big NO at any time and if it accidentally happens, stop immediately, don’t move, don’t breathe and after a good ten minutes continue on.

8. Things you should never do in bed: Check Twitter

And please do not tweet you just had sex unless of course it was funny sex.

9. Things you should never do in bed: Impersonate

Role playing is fun so why not impersonate, though if hubby tries I would probably burst out in laughter. (refer to #2)

10. Things you should never do in bed: Pressure

Fifth failure. Certainly pressuring someone to do something they don’t want to do is wrong, but pressuring hubby to hurry up because the kids will be home in 8 minutes does happen. (refer to #3)

How do you rate?

The Shower

The other day, hubby and I were invited out to a barbecue at a friend’s house. This is a rare event because his shifts rarely coincide with their extremely busy social life and of course, an outing depends on whether or not I am having a good pain day. Anyways, in order for our outing, I needed a shower before making myself pretty. I yelled down the stairs to the teenage boy that mom was taking a shower, and then off handily added to my husband, you may join me if you like! Well the bathroom is right beside the teenage boy’s bedroom, and just as I entered the shower, the teenage boy decided to go to his room. Then the most horrible thing happened (according to the teenager), dad joined me in the shower. Oh was he angry! Now our son did hear quite a bit of noise coming from the shower, but it is not what you are thinking! Hubby could not believe how hot I liked the water, and was trying everything to get out-of-the-way of the stream.

The next day, well visiting my best friend’s house, I related the shower story to her. Now she has quite the wicked sense of humour, and was quick to give the teenage boy a talking too! First though she asked him how he thought he got here? The teenage boy quickly answered, “I like to believe the stork brought me”.