Vagina Lips

A couple of weeks ago I received a magazine in the mail, and on the front cover was a lovely image of a model’s face. The only problem was she was wearing a bright red lipstick. Now I love the true colour of red, I should, I’m a redhead, but when it comes to red lipstick, I absolutely abhor it. Generally I do not like lipstick, I don’t enjoy the feel of it, or the fact lipstick never, ever says on, and the worst is the impression it tends to leave on glassware when you are having a drink!

So when I saw this model wearing red lipstick, it once again led to one of the many conversations I have with my husband, as to why I don’t like this or that, and why he doesn’t either. His response about the lipstick was ‘it’s like you are wearing a vagina on your face, and something to the effect that he prefers a vagina to be down there’. Gross, right? Yep. I must say though, I did burst out laughing when he said this, only because, well the visualization.

Jokingly I said I was going to Tweet his comment, and of course (knowing my husband so well) he said, go ahead. So I did, but I made one huge mistake, I used the word hate. Hubby did not say hate when he told me the reason why he doesn’t like red lipstick. The first person who responded to me, said that’s pretty hateful, whereas the second “gahh, I will never look at red lipstick the same way, ugh” with added laughter. Well the conversation with the first person went from bad to worse in no time. There was no way I was able to convince her that my husband was not being hateful. Whereas the conversation with the second person was full of laughter.

Moral of this story: “use chapstick”

I thought I would have to wait until she gave birth before I saw her vagina

First of all I liked to say that there is no topic that our family doesn’t share/talk about, so when the eldest said she was going to have a Brazilian done to her father and I, well…potty mouth me said “WTF, are you insane!”, apparently though she is. I’m  much smarter because there is no way in hell I would have anyone, including my husband go down there, and rip my hair off with wax while I yelled “fuck and more fuck” at the top of my lungs. It was bad enough giving birth when after my second child I told my husband he wasn’t going in there ever again (oh how the brain forgets pain until of course the third child is coming out).

Well the eldest needed moral support so she asked her sister to accompany her to the appointment. Okay, stop right there, “you asked your sister to go with you, see your vagina in all it’s glory and she actually said yes”.  Again “WTF”, there is sharing and then there is sharing (yes I know I am in the “too much information (TMI)” area with this blog post but I have my daughter’s permission). So there’s middle child holding her sister’s legs “spread eagle”, while the eldest is screeching I need a break but middle child is yelling right back at her saying “suck it up and rub some dirt on it and be a man”. Of course all during the session middle child is thinking eww and more eww, this is fucking disgusting. I thought I would have to wait until she gave birth before I saw her vagina.

Note: there will be no pictures for this post.