What do breasts and meet the teacher night have in common?

Picture of a frozen chicken breast.


This is a frozen chicken breast from my freezer, it will be cooked at a later date.

I’m sure you are quite disappointed right now, some of you may have actually been expecting a picture of my actual breasts blushes (if you do want to see them, you will have to take a look at my Vacation in Jamaica post, and do tell me what you think?).  Let me continue, am I referring to chicken breasts or my own breasts for this post? Well if you guessed my breasts, you are correct, though at this time I do not have a prize to give you, hopefully instead I will either make you laugh, give you food for thought at that next meet the teacher night or just make you say out loud WTF?

When my children were in elementary and high school, I attended all of the “meet the teacher nights” ,  in hopes I could pump the teacher about how my child was doing. Now, thankfully there was never any bad news to deal with, besides I would hope the teacher would give me a phone call, if my child was fucking up ready for Mensa.

Okay, now fast forward to I think grade ten, meet the teacher night at high school for middle child, where it was held in the cafeteria. I don’t know what they were thinking when they decided to stuff god knows how many parents, their teenagers and the teachers in a room where the windows didn’t open. It was exceptionally “hot” in the room.

After meeting a number of teachers, middle child was still quite intent on me meeting one more, it may have been her history/geography/autocad instructor, it is all quite blurry to me now. After walking up to the gentleman, middle child made introductions, and then, well, my words “Thank you for not looking at my breasts, most people do when they first meet me”.

I don’t  remember what the teacher said in response to my comment. I do remember being outside afterwords with middle child, who is yelling “WTF MOM!”. I had no answer. The room was hot.

Note: I did not show my face at another “meet the teacher night again”.

I didn’t mean I was getting a divorce

I sent a text this morning to my son, the young man. This is how the conversation went:

Me: “Do you remember if Dad has a tool to cut my wedding ring off?” Note: In hindsight I probably should not have started the conversation like this.

Son: “This is not how you tell your kids you’re getting a divorce”. See above note.

Me: “lol”
Me: “I am having a problem with swelling and the ring has made my finger raw. I have tried to get if off with soap, olive oil and it won’t budge. I have a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday, so the ring has to come off”

Son: “I’ll cut it off”
Me: “You are not at home son”
Son: “Gen Gen too” (he’s referring to his sister, saying she can cut it off).
Son: “And yes, dad has a tool, just ask him where it is” Does he think I am going to cut the ring off myself? I’m pretty sure that would be a very bad idea. If I missed there would be blood everywhere, and I would faint.

Son: “Why are you asking me anyways, I’m 800 kilometres away?
Son: “Do you want me to fix the fridge too?” This is an ongoing joke in the family since we all tend to call my husband, their father (when he is at work) if something breaks or is just not working.

After my conversation had ended with my son, my husband finally answered my text, saying yes he can cut the ring off with his Dremel too.

This Friday is our 27th wedding anniversary, which will be celebrated with me driving to pick up middle child from college (a five-hour drive – there and back), then later that night, well 2 a.m. to be specific I will drive about an hour to pick up the young man somewhere on highway 401. That is what I am doing to celebrate my anniversary.

A hole for his dick

The title of this post is to the point but the conversation that it was in was quite harmless. If you follow my blog, you know that the young man (previously known as the teenage boy) is away attending his third year of university. When he was at home, we had (and still do have) fabulous conversations, but when he talked about sex he would generally have these conversations with one of his sisters. Certainly there has been no topic left uncovered here, we have always spoken openly and freely with our children from condoms to women’s breast and stretch marks. Thus our kids have never been afraid to approach a topic with us.

The other day, when I was having one of my weekly in-depth conversations with the young man (verses the 8 a.m text message Saturday morning asking for my rib recipe, that he didn’t even make because he did not have a large glass pan), he was telling me how this girl likes his roommate but she did not want to be “just a hole for his dick, she wants a relationship…..and on and on”.  Well didn’t I just burst out in laughter, stating “I can’t believe you just said that son, omg”. He went on to explain, and I interrupted, stating I totally understood, I was just a tad thrown aback with his wording.

Not long after the ” a hole for his dick” conversation ended, we were back to discussing recipes, his classes, and did he receive the box of goodies his sister brought up for him.

Do you discuss sex and such openly with your children?