Attempting to share my knowledge with the teenage boy

Picture of the herb thyme

Dried thyme

After the downpour we had on Saturday, the rain finally ceased on Sunday giving me the opportunity to work outside. Days before I had gathered thyme from my herb garden, dried it in the dehydrator, leaving me with the very tedious task of picking the leaves off the stem. During my breaks from the thyme I worked in my vegetable garden, surprised at the loads of yellow beans I had to pick, and then depressed to see my six Brussel sprout plants being attacked by the nasty, vile cabbage worm. After Googling solutions, I dampened the leaves, dusted the plants with flour in hopes the cabbage worms will eat the flour and die, yes die. Sorry if I (okay I’m not) offend anyone with this attitude, but I want my plants to survive, though the other four members of my family are rooting for the cabbage worm.

Healthy brussel sprout plant before it was attacked by the vile cabbage worm.

Healthy brussel sprout plant before it was attacked by the vile cabbage worm.

Afterwards it was back to the thyme while the teenage boy sat and watched. Since I finally had his attention, (which I had to actually ask for before he would sit with me), I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to impart my knowledge of gardening upon him. As I picked at the thyme and chatted away about gardening, I realized the teenage boy did not seem all that interested. I tried to explain that one day son, you will have a house, and will need this knowledge, but the response from him was “I’m still in school mom, and the idea of me owning a home is years off so I really don’t give a shit”.

Okay, he had a point, so I decided to keep his attention by talking about cooking since he will be living in an apartment this September, making his own meals. The day before, my uncle had given me more than a dozen cookbooks, so I asked the teenage boy if he would like to take them with him when he moves? This time he replied with “Mom, that’s what Google is for”. Defeated again, I gave up, concentrated on picking the leaves off the stems of the thyme while the teenage boy went in the house to do whatever teenage boys do, hide in their rooms away from mom.

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My prize was a very cool, one-of-a-kind t-shirt from the staff at the Long Awkward Pause.  If you haven’t visited this site and you need a Monday morning laugh, I highly recommend it.


I thought I would have to wait until she gave birth before I saw her vagina

First of all I liked to say that there is no topic that our family doesn’t share/talk about, so when the eldest said she was going to have a Brazilian done to her father and I, well…potty mouth me said “WTF, are you insane!”, apparently though she is. I’m  much smarter because there is no way in hell I would have anyone, including my husband go down there, and rip my hair off with wax while I yelled “fuck and more fuck” at the top of my lungs. It was bad enough giving birth when after my second child I told my husband he wasn’t going in there ever again (oh how the brain forgets pain until of course the third child is coming out).

Well the eldest needed moral support so she asked her sister to accompany her to the appointment. Okay, stop right there, “you asked your sister to go with you, see your vagina in all it’s glory and she actually said yes”.  Again “WTF”, there is sharing and then there is sharing (yes I know I am in the “too much information (TMI)” area with this blog post but I have my daughter’s permission). So there’s middle child holding her sister’s legs “spread eagle”, while the eldest is screeching I need a break but middle child is yelling right back at her saying “suck it up and rub some dirt on it and be a man”. Of course all during the session middle child is thinking eww and more eww, this is fucking disgusting. I thought I would have to wait until she gave birth before I saw her vagina.

Note: there will be no pictures for this post.